Minus Audrey Hepburn

Rome is like this one uncle I have. I genuinely like the guy, but I recognize that if he wasn't familiy, I'd probably end up punching him. In the same way, I really loved Rome. But if the city wasn't in my beloved Italy, I'd do to it whatever the equivalent is to throwing a left hook at a socio-political entity.

In short, everything Italian about Rome is brilliant: food, gelato, pasticerrie, great art, Italian donne, beautiful churches.

Everything Roman, on the other hand, would be inadmissible in any other country: people driving on pedestrian streets, buses filled to twice their capacity, a subway designed to avoid all populated areas, ancient Roman overload (perfectly incapsulated by my friend Emily's "reaction" to the Forum).

Especially bad are the tourists. I know, they're everywhere, but I feel like the real winners come to Rome (or the Acropolis, but that's another entry). Some highlights I overheard:

-Man wearing audiotour headphones (in really loud voice at the Galleria Borghese: "OH, THIS IS THE WRONG ROOM!"

-Woman to child who observed that there was alot of sculpture in the Vatican: "That's the point!" What's the point, you wench? So it's just about quantity? I'll seriously fight her for having no clue why she paid 14 Euros to get in my way of looking at works I've spent more than 2 minutes trying to understand.

-Of course the countless people who insist on talking in the Sistine chapel.

-Worse, the fools who try to take pictures in the Sistine chapel. Especially awesome was the Portuguese lady who pretended she couldn't understand the Italian for "no picture."

Plus the Tiber is gross.

But Rome has its good points, and I'd like to end with that.

First, it let Emily, as well as my friends Seth, Alexa, and Stephan study there so they could host me. That was really nice of it.

Second, Giacomo. Although not from Rome, Emily's boyfriend not only has an amazing name, but tirelessly tried to pronounce "Rosh Hashanah" for our entertainment. Italians can't pronounce H's, so he ended up over-aspirating every consonant except the one he was supposed to.

Third, Jewish pizza. Delicious, heavier than a brick, and lasts months.

Fourth, Italian men who do karate. 'Nuff said.

Finally, never take a snow globe to England, even if you're just flying through London. Apparently these are the most dangerous things on earth, requiring three tests at security. Or maybe it was just my half-week beard...