It all depends on who's looking

The Renaissance Man: So Italy was nice and all, but once I was there I realized it could really use some work here and there. And who better to do it than me? My first mission was to improve the lack of quality interior decorating. So, after a classic dose of pink paint and a gnome chimney, not to mention the berry-licious blankets, I had made my first dent in the behemoth task before me.

Next, I noticed that Italians were completely lacking in the means by which to entertain themselves on their many train rides. At first, I was at a loss about how to deal with this serious problem, until Amy pulled out our travel scrabble board. The solution instantly flew through my nostrils, into my brain, and settled on my tongue: bi-lingual scrabble! We would make English words and our new friends Chiara and Virusca would make Italian words. Somehow we overcame the language barrier...never mind the fact that Virusca had a J the entire game, which doesn't exist in the Italian alphabet. Behold my work!

In Bologna, the food was great and the museums were free, but there was a complete dearth of stuffed cheetahs, one of the staples of any university town, as we all know. Luckily, a cheetah happened to be terrorizing a nearby peasant village. Once Katie threw a trident through its heart, I was able to recall my Advanced Biology skills and produce what I hope will be the new attraction in this fair town.

It was really hard to find a fault with Florence. The location of their budget hotels was especially impeccable. However, I noticed the first day that there were absolutely NO vagabonds anywhere!! I mean, COME ON! No vagabonds?? What kind of city is this? Luckily, I had brought the free vagabond whistle that was in my cereal box last month, and used it to avail. Quickly a group of homeless Brits assembled at our restaurant, one nicely pulling off the jeans AND skirt to perfection. Later, they began playing frisbee in the piazza in the dark and setting up their beds on the concrete. We realized that one of them had left her chapstick on the table, so I took it to them. Turning to leave, I heard her scream with glee, and I did a 180 just in time to catch an errant frisbee. The apparent leader of the group quipped "Always there for us." I think I giggled like a girl.

In Pisa, it was Katie who came through. The Pisetans had never eaten a gelato cone planted in an abandoned and empty beer bottle before. I know, isn't that silly?? Well, needless to say, Katie used her veteran skills to instruct the entire community on "how it's done." The applause was deafening. Or maybe that was my laughter.

Obviously, Cinque Terre was perfect. But it doesn't really exist either, so I didn't feel bad about not trying to improve it.
Ok, as for Genova, well...I know it has pirates, which, really, makes for a practical paradise, but I did a little research and, wouldn't you know it, they don't wear 3-D glasses...ever! I mean, I can see not wearing them on casual Fridays, but it's just barbaric to forget them on more formal occasions. Fortunately, there was a Canadian family that had brought theirs, so we just beat them up and helped educate an entire nation. What did you do that day?
The Gourmet:
Day 1 (Milan)-Dinner: Puttanesca Penne, Gnocchi San Michele (mincemeat pesto), Cotelletto milanese (thin, breaded veal), tartufo cioccolato, and the privilege of seeing a leg of prosciutto. Yes, a leg.

Day 2 (Milan, Bologna)-Breakfast: pastry (boston creme with sugar and no icing)
Lunch: focaccia "pizza" (prosciutto & cheese, ricotta-mozzarella, zucchini, and artichoke-mushroom). Obviously I didn't eat the latter.
Gelato1:Stracciatella and Kinder
Dinner: Tortellini con Gorgonzola e noce, Polenta a la bolognese, spargi (asparagus) parmagiani, fried artichokes. Basically we were the best orderers in the world that night.
Gelato2: Vertical limit (cream and nioccolatte), ricotta svetta, and chi è gianni (a boring flavor) The first two were to die for!!!!

Day 3 (Bologna, Florence)- Breakfast: pastries and fresh-baked lemon cake from hotel
Lunch: thin crust pizza (napolitana): ricotta-spinach-mozzarella-grana(hard cheese), and 4 seasons (mushrooms, sausage, artichoke, prosciutto), insalata mista (mixed)
Gelato3: brownice and pine nut (which is good I swear)
Dinner: Caprese (fresh mozz, tomatoes, basil) salad, bruschetta (3 kinds), chicken in red sauce, beef slices w/arugula and grana

Day 4 (Florence)-Breakfast: nothing to brag about
Lunch:rabbit cacciatore, ribollita (Tuscan soup), potatoes, + tasting of Aristo (pork)
Gelato4:Caramella mou, nocciola (hazelnut), liqueriezza
Snack: bruschetta w/pecorino and balsamic
Dinner: artichoke and grana, tortellini in cream sauce with prosciutto, bistecca a la fiorentina
Gelato5: Lion bar, yogurt-nutella (incredible)

Day 5 (Florence)- Breakfast: pastry filled with rice-pudding
Lunch: felafel wrap
Snack: assorted crostini (chicken liver pâté, sausage-mozz., cheese-fig-mint, salmon dip, etc.)
Dinner: Chicken salad, cannellonini beans, fried artichokes
Gelato6: Gianduia (hard to describe, but delish), fior di latte (creamy goodness)

Day 6 (Pisa)-Lunch: panini (prosciutto-cheese, arugula-cheese-bresaola(?)) fruit
Snack: frozen tiramisu, peanuts
Dinner: Salty risotto w/arugula, salad w/ham and cheese, cuttlefish, and amazing sliced steak w/withered radicchio and Parmesan slices
Gelato7: limoncello, mango, and orange

Day 7 (Cinque Terre)-Lunch I-focaccia and cheese and a nectarine
Lunch II-farinata (chickpea cake) and a pear
Gelato8: Canella (cinnamon), ambrogio (chocolate and nuts)
Snack: bruschetta w/tomatoes, mozz., capers, anchovies (the best ever)
Dinner: pasta w/pesto and potatoes, mixed salad, ravioli w/salmon in cream sauce

Day 8 (Genoa, Milan)-Breakfast: Ligurian pie-pastry w/crust, custard, chocolate, and fig(?) jam
Lunch: Polenta w/melted gorgonzola, polpetone (quiche-like w/bread crumb crust), + some of Katie's gnocchi with pesto and stuffed eggplant.
Dinner: Insalata primavera, risotto a la milanese (w/saffron), prosciutto crudo
NO GELATO :(

Day 9 (Milan)-Breakfast: raisin scone-like thing
Lunch: focaccia "pizza" (cheese-ricotta) and double sided thin crust pizza with mozz. and prosciutto.
Gelato9: chocolate sorbet and fior di panna (basically fior di latte)
Dinner: apperitivi (vegetable salad with chicken and pineapple, bruschetta, eggy things, pizza bites, rice salad...)
Gelato10: nutella, fior di riso

Day 10 (Milan)-Breakfast: corniglia (like a cornetto) with custard cream
Lunch: Smorgasbord of...an olive stick, pastry with ricotta and spinach inside, pretzel sandwich with prosciutto, brie, and pickles, croissant sandwich w/prosciutto and lettuce. Everyone on the plane was jeal.
Dinner: Back in Athens :( But Shannan made me pancakes :)

The Sullen 10th Grader:

Mom: What did you do in Italy, sweetie?
10th grader: Oh, you know. Stuff.
Mom: Like what? Did you have fun?
10th grader: I dunno, why you always riding my case? You never understand anything!!!!! [slams door to room shut]

Tired Blogger

Just wait for the rest of my pictures...